July 24, 2013

I've never been to a concert before and that kind of makes me sad. I want to go to an Electric Daisy Carnival before I die, it's kind of my dream. Actually I haven't been to much of anything, because I was always supposed to study or something. But in the end I didn't even study that much so basically I've wasted a large portion of my life. I guess I kind of regret it in a way, because I had the option of studying or doing nothing, and I should have chosen to just study hard instead of being bitter about all the options that were closed to me. At least that way I would actually have something to show for all of my time. I feel like I pushed too hard to forcing open another path in the road, one that I actually wanted to pursue, instead of just following the road that was already given to me, clear of obstacles. In the end, I hit a dead end in the path I tried to force anyways, and I was put back on my original path, but now far behind everyone else instead of ahead. I'm not sure if I'm even making sense right now. The way I word things, no one has ever been able to understand. I understand myself perfectly, but it's just really hard to turn ideas into words. I think to myself in the form of ideas and pictures, not in words, so when it comes time to actually speak or write it out, it becomes really difficult to capture my original meaning. Language is a great tool, but to me, it always feels like it falls short, and is inadequate. Maybe in the future people will be able to communicate telepathically, and actually show others their feelings and ideas, with no misunderstandings, and I hope I am alive to see that day.